You engulf me with your firm hug.
I almost didn't sleep the last few nights.
I tried to scare you away,
but my air conditioner was broken.(B. Ori - July 1999)
They say it was the hottest July ever on record. I think they're right. To top all that, my air conditioner didn't work very well, so I called the "super". He came and moved this knob so the air is pulled from the room (circulated), instead from outside. The air conditioner did work a lot better, but I insisted it's not good enough, so he arranged it to be taken and fixed. Over the weekend. The hottest weekend. That was last Friday. I'm still waiting for the air conditioner to return.
But other than that, I've been using the last couple of months to be a bit more cultural.
The last week of June is "Restaurant Week" (This story is not that good, it was rejected in July's issue). Some of the very best restaurants offer a lunch menu at a cost that's equal to the year, in cents, per person. This year it was $19.99. Considering some of the restaurants charge almost that price in dollars on a regular day, you'd have to agree it's quite a bargain.
Of course you have to reserve a place in advance, and it's really difficult. Eran did manage to get reservations for a few friends (myself included) in a restaurant called Lutéce. The following table summarizes my insights about this place, compared to a standard eating place.
Item Lutéce McDonalds Comments Appetizer 6 types of lettuce in special gravy French Fries with mayo 6 types of lettuce? I thought they only serve that in Hell. The gravy was quite good. The food Some special Fish Hamburger What can I say? A fish is a fish. Not my cup of tea. Desert A sorbette ice-cream American ice-cream No winner here. None can beat my favorite: Dr. Lek. Service French speaking waiters hovering around Do it yourself I like to be taken care of, but when women are treated like it's the 19th century, the feminist in me must shout. If I were a woman I'd never go there again.
Actually, I don't eat at McDonalds that much. On the other hand, I really don't get all the hype around these fancy restaurants. They aren't worth the price, they are snobby, and they serve small portions. Don't go there. Take a stand.
"Friends follows the adventures of six attractive New Yorkers who drink coffee, dream life's dreams, and expertly avoid the city's minority population." JON STEWART on The Daily Show
You have to order Ballet tickets around 3 months in advance. And they would cost $50+. So we ordered tickets just about the time I came to NY, and I finally got to see 2 performances this month.
The first one was A Midsummer Night's Dream. It seems a bit strange to cook up a Ballet based on a Shakespeare play. Isn't it all about dialogues and words? Fortunately, you get a "stage bill", which explains the play, so that you understand why the hell they dance. The Ballet was quite nice, and luckily enough, quite short. I came home just in time to see the second half of the Knicks game.
The second performance was by a group named after their choreographer - The Merce Cunningham Dace. Merce Cunningham is about 80 years old, and even appeared in a small piece together with a living legend. Mikhail Barishnikov. Yes, I've seen him, and took this picture of him with Cunningham, seen here on the right.
The Merce Cunningham group perform modern Ballet, and to be honest, it was quite interesting. The problem was the music. It was a combination of squirks, whistles and bangs. They were the worst sounds I've ever heard. I looked at the "stage bill" and saw that someone was actually listed as the composer for the pieces. It reminded me of the ape that painted pictures, and people bought them! At least with pictures you could close your eyes if you wanted. My ears were really suffering.
And I'll finish with a co-worker quote: "I don't understand Ballet, the women dancers always stand on their toes. Can't they find higher dancers?"
Not just any music. Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 - The Emperor. Played by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. What can I say? Divine. In the intermission we went to the men's room. As we came in, someone familiar was coming out. I didn't recognize him at first, but as he stepped on the stage to say a few words before the next piece I recognized him - Henry Kissinger. If someone asks you, Kissinger zips up before going out of the men's room (unlike some people I know).
Why was he saying a few words? The second part was called Lament to Yitzhak. Check your dictionary (I had to). Even the Royal Bitch was in the audience. The piece was written by Dubi Seltzer. I prefered his work on Kazablan. This piece was really really long (twice the length of the first part). We were punished for liking Beethoven. If Rabin was alive, he'd be protecting us from such things.
Now let me quote from the stage bill of one of the shows. A quote like this appeared in all the stage bills:
The New York Philharmonic gratefully acknowledges the following individuals whose generous contributions helped make possible this evening's performance of Dov Seltzer's Lament to Yizhak. Maestro and Mrs. Kurt Masur
I. B. Bender, Susan and Allan Blumstein...
I was surprised not to see my name in the list. I did contribute a descent amount of money for the event. How come these events are so expensive? Who's in on the money? Arie Dery?
This is quite cool - a boat ride around Manhattan at night. There's live music and you get to circle Lady Liberty (pictured somewhere above), and see the Manhattan skyline (also pictured around here). Oddly enough, you can't see this skyline while inside Manhattan. On Tuesdays there's a band playing the Blues on the upper deck. There were too many people around the band, so we sat our asses on the lower deck.
See the picture on the left - there's an electric Contrabass. It's the first time I saw one. The band was playing really nice and we got to spend two relaxing hours on a nice boat.
It seems so reasonable to use a boat while you're in the water, especially when it's dark. I don't understand why JFK Jr. thought otherwise.
There's an institute here in the US called the MPAA, they rate movies and decide how much a movie is offending to the delicate hearted Americans. For example, the US is the only Western country in the world in which viewers will not see the movie Eyes Wide Shut the way the late director Stanley Kubrick intended. The MPAA said it would rate it NC-17 (No children under 17 are permitted) unless one scene will be blurred using computer techniques. Now the movie is only rated R (Restricted - children can go, but only with an adult).
That's not all. When they show movies on public TV channels, they sometimes record alternate sentences, which would be less offending. But the video images are the same. So in some movies, some parts look as if the movie is dubbed. Are we in France here? You see the hero say "No, asshole, I'm gonna kill this mother-fucker...", but the words you hear are different: "No, jerk, I'm gonna kill this guy...", sometimes they don't even make the effort of recording it with the same actor and the voice changes.
Of course, they also cut scenes. Here's a true story. It's very frightening, since we are the ultimate copiers of the American way.
While flipping the channels, I saw they were showing Police Academy on TNT - one of the public channels. They just came to the part where they smuggle a whore into the lecturer's stand in the main lecture hall of the academy. When the chief commissioner gives a lecture there to police inspectors from around the country, he receives an unexpected oral pleasure (as Fabienne from Pulp Fiction said). He concludes the lecture with the words: "I hope this lecture was enjoyful to you as it was to me".
Well, on TNT they cut the whole scene off! Nothing. In the original version you didn't see anything offensive, just a comedian making funny faces while lecturing on police regulations. And they cut it all off!
So I dedicate the following song to you, but also to all the fucked up Americans that hear beeps every fucken minute when they see a good standup on TV, and forgot that it's not the words you use, but what you mean by them that is important...
Cartman singing - Kyle's Mom is a Bitch (1.7MB)
Death has struck upon us this month even harder than last month, and I do feel I need to say a few goodbye words, but in order to do it right, I would have to return to my native language. It can't work in English.
